If every NRL team was a steak

There's nothing better than watching a great game of footy while enjoying a beautiful steak.

Just as each NRL team has its own unique defining characteristics, so too does every piece of Australian red meat.

So in recognition of the launch of the 2025 NRL season, we've teamed up with the experts from Beef Central, to cheekily ‘Mix and Match' all 17 teams competing for the 2025 premiership with a special cut of meat.

“Rather than serving up the same old predictable sirloin, burger pattie or beef sausage to your crew, why not consider something a little more novel?” Beef Central asks, in it's new feature 'Five great undiscovered beef items to BBQ for the start of the NRL season.'

So, without further ado, if NRL teams were a piece of meat, here's what each would be!

Brisbane Broncos

Beef Wellington. Pretty damn good in the 90s.

Just ask Dragons fans what they thought of the Broncos in 1992 and 1993. 

Haven't had quite as much success in recent years, but like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay and his love for the old Wellington, they refuse to go away.

Canberra Raiders

Tomahawk AKA the Viking steak.

Viking horn, Viking clap. Ricky Stuart blow-ups. We love the Raiders a bit like we love a big hunk of red meat on a freezing cold Canberra night.

Like Josh Papalii and Mal Meninga, the Tomahawk steak is a big beefy entertainer that the whole family can enjoy. Cooking it to perfection is as hard as rolling over a scrappy Raiders pack playing on an inch of snow in the nation's capital.

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs

Corned beef. An old favourite on the rise again.

The Bulldogs really turned a corner in 2024. Pretty unbelievable for a team who hadn't played finals in eight years to suddenly be generating big crowds and winning for fun.

Corned beef has turned a corner in popularity too, so we thought this one made plenty of sense.

Cronulla Sharks

Bunnings snag. Nothing fancy, always know what you're going to get.

Who doesn't love a Bunnings snag? Seriously. The greatest things this country has to offer despite not exactly being gourmet.

Well, that's the Sharks. They defend strongly, they always turn up to get the job done and are the club no one wants to see on their fixture list.

The Dolphins

Smoked brisket. New and trendy.

The promotion of the Redcliffe Dolphins to the NRL has been like the emergence of smoked brisket in Australia. They have always been around, but they are now making waves on a new playing field.

Wayne Bennett's two-year tenure at the Dolphins has created as much excitement as a brisket on the barbecue punching out a flavourful smoke that could make you salivate from blocks away.

As Kristian Woolf takes the Dolphins into a new era, the club is in the same position as a barbecue master on a 12-hour cook. The excitement is there, but it's a long, hard, grind, and getting a good result at the business end will be tough.

Gold Coast Titans

Beef Carpaccio. Never made it to the main course.

We won't lie. Carpaccio is so fancy Zero Tackle's editor had to Google what this was.

Turns out Capaccio is paper-thin slices of raw beef served as an appetiser. A bit like the Titans so far – a little undercooked and yet to make it to the championship banquet in September.

We are sure one day they might play in a grand final, but it doesn't look like the streak will be breaking in 2025.

Manly Warringah Sea Eagles

Filet mignon. A little bit posh.

Like the eye fillet inside a filet mignon, Manly sides have always packed a beefy punch to handle the heavy lifting – right from Terry Randall and Spud Carroll to Anthony Watmough and Jake Trbojevic.

But it is those silky backs like Cliffy Lyons, Brett Stewart, Daly Cherry-Evans, and Tommy Turbo streaking around the edge that have also defined the great Manly sides – much like the bacon wrapped around a filet mignon.

And yes, from its affluent waterfront home on Sydney's northern beaches, Manly is indeed also like a fillet mignon - a little bit posh with a big following among the ladies.

Melbourne Storm

The MSA-graded steak of the NRL. Always consistently good.

MSA-grading transformed the Australian beef industry, with all steaks that make the grade being scientifically verified to deliver a tender, high-quality eating experience. 

Just like an MSA-graded steak, the Melbourne Storm always delivers and rarely disappoints.

The Storm's only finals miss in the last two decades was that ill-fated 2010 season when they couldn't play for points.

If that doesn't tell you all you need to know about the club and its consistency, we can't help you.

Newcastle Knights

RSL meat tray. No matter how bad they are, locals will always support them.

It is hard to resist an investment in a ticket to win a humble meat tray. You know you're probably not going to win, but maybe, just maybe, your luck will come good – just as it did for Knights fans in 1997 and 2001.

Like the punters hopefully buying tickets to win a cling-wrapped tray of assorted raw meats week after week, Hunter locals keep clicking through the turn styles with hopes of the club reviving the Chief Harrigan/Joey Johns glory days.

And there always is hope. Kailyn Ponga, Bradman Best, Leo Thompson, Tyson Frizell, and Fletcher Sharpe is a livewire. Can they produce the winning ticket in 2025?

New Zealand Warriors

Lamb chop. Because they are from New Zealand.

We kind of thought this joke wrote itself. No other link.

Sheep. New Zealand. Goodbye!

North Queensland Cowboys

Crumbed steak. No right to be as good as it is.

Much like breadcrumbs, beaten eggs, and a piece of meat, Townsville and rugby league is a match made in heaven.

Crumbed steak is rough and tough, but it is one of those things you just can't stop eating once you start.

Sort of like the Cowboys. Hard to stop watching when they are on. Attacking weapons everywhere.

Parramatta Eels

Plant-based meat. Promises a lot, but often lets you down.

Do you remember the Eels last premiership win? No, neither do we. That, despite having a squad that certainly should be in the mix.

Plant-based meat has a similar story - promises to win over the masses and has some huge names behind it, but when it comes to the crunch, just can't produce a winning result.

Penrith Panthers

Rib fillet steak. Very hard to beat.

There's a reason Rib Fillet (or Scotch Fillet) steaks dominate pub and restaurant menus and butcher's windows right across this wide brown land – they are very hard to beat in almost any circumstance.

An always reliable cut that performs best with fast hot cooking methods, the rib fillet is the steak equivalent of the Panther's unceasing ability to deliver at all times from anywhere on the field. 

The Panthers have found that unbeatable recipe over the past five years. Throw the Rabbitohs, Eels, Storm, or three scintillating Ezra Mam tries in five minutes at them, and you still can't beat them.

South Sydney Rabbitohs

A family barbie. You never know what you're going to get. 

You just never quite know what to expect from the Rabbitohs. Latrell Mitchell, Cody Walker, and now throw in Wayne Bennett as the head coach.

Bunnies fans have been promised a recipe for entertainment in 2025. Will they dine out in September, or - like many a family BBQ gone wrong - will they end up getting burned again?

St George Illawarra Dragons

T-bone. Hard and soft in the same package.

A T-bone steak is the ultimate when it comes to meat. 

The Dragons may not be the ultimate rugby league team, but when you consider some of the razzle-dazzle in their attack only to be met by some of the awful ball handling and defensive decisions, this one makes complete sense.

Sydney Roosters

300-day Wagyu 9+ MB striploin. Because they have the most money.

We wanted our graphic designer to create an image of a steak under a sombrero to describe this one without words. He declined our request.

Anyway, it's fair to say the Roosters will be attacking the 2026 open market with almost unlimited funds after their departures for 2025.

Wests Tigers

Chuck steak. Tough at first, but could surprise with time

The Wests Tigers are starting this season the same way a chuck steak starts its life in the kitchen – at the bottom of the list. 

But with a few rounds in the high-pressure, slow-cooker environment that is the NRL, along with some promising new ingredients like Jarome Luai, Api Koroisau, and Lachlan Galvin, and in the hands of the club's favourite sons and potential masterchef Benji Marshall, they could just produce something special over time. 

This collaboration sees Beef Central publish its own feature today for beef lovers who follow the NRL, called 'Five great undiscovered beef items to BBQ for the start of the footy season.'